Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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