He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
