Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
