I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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