She is in my trunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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