i love accidental penises.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
