Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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