She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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