You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
