Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
