we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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