Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
