I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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