I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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