Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
