Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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