I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize