i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
