so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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