yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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