i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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