i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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