He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
