The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
where are my eyebrows?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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