Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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