So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
