I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
