Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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