Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
