yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do herpes really smell.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize