if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I showed him my bush... on skype.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
