Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
