Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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