My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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