the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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