This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
