she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
