I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
