you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
