So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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