All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
