Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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