I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize