my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
