This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
