i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
