A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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