All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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