im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
