i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude. I can hear the air.
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