we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
