i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What a dumb baby whore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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