i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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