Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
