I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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