Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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