oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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