Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
