I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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