I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
