I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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