So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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