And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
