At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
