i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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