Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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