You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
