Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
