I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
