i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
