My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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